As per Iron John's instructions, I've begun work on restoring the accidentally enlarged minions to their normal sizes.
Test 1
Subject: Minion 23
Procedure: Injected minion with chemical to reverse effects of pituitary gland.
Result: Initially promising. Minion has already lost a quarter inch of height since last night.
Test 2
Subject: Minion Brad
Procedure: Injected minion with different chemical to affect pituitary gland.
Result: Minion woke this morning to discover he had begun lactating. No other changes observed. Will continue test for forty-eight hours to watch for additional effects.
Test 3
Subject: Minion HJ-4242
Procedure: Treated minion with laser therapy from the shrink-ray I found in storage.
Result: After the glow cleared, was unable to find minion. Must remember to look for shrink-ray instruction booklet. In meantime, have left out dollhouse for the minion.
Test 4
Subject: Red Shirt
Procedure: Treated minion with large doses of espresso (approx. one gallon over a period of two hours) to stunt growth.
Result: Inconclusive. Minion has developed a blurry outline, height measurements currently impossible due to vibrations.
For the time being, I will continue to monitor the status of the initial testing subjects and spend the rest of the day in the lab analyzing the blood, urine, hair, and flannel samples taken from a sampling of super-sized minions.
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Bedside Manner
It seems many of the minions are reluctant to go through with their annual physicals. Half of the appointments over the next couple of days have suddenly been canceled. I fear it may have something to do with Iron John and Captain Gin's reluctance. The others have followed their leads, it would appear.
Evie, however, has an alternate theory. She says the problem is with my bedside manner and the chilliness of my hands. And here I thought the flu shots went well today. Evie says it's all about PR.
Note: Work on building better public image. I need to ensure that the minions see me as friendly and approachable. (Perhaps stock up on popsicles for patients, I hear the green ones are popular)
Evie, however, has an alternate theory. She says the problem is with my bedside manner and the chilliness of my hands. And here I thought the flu shots went well today. Evie says it's all about PR.
Note: Work on building better public image. I need to ensure that the minions see me as friendly and approachable. (Perhaps stock up on popsicles for patients, I hear the green ones are popular)
Catching Up
In creating the new filing system, I had the chance to look at the current medical files for much of the staff. Disappointingly, it seems that most of the staff are far overdue for their annual physicals.
It seems I got here just in time. There's quite a lot of catching up to do before I can get started on any special projects. Evie's been on the phone all morning, calling minions and scheduling appointments. She's maybe half way done and already my next few days are booked solid.
Well, it will be good to meet so many of my colleagues, in any event. Unfortunately, there's no time to redo the exam room before it's needed. In fact, Evie's flagging me down right now, it seems my 2:30 is ready for me.
It seems I got here just in time. There's quite a lot of catching up to do before I can get started on any special projects. Evie's been on the phone all morning, calling minions and scheduling appointments. She's maybe half way done and already my next few days are booked solid.
Well, it will be good to meet so many of my colleagues, in any event. Unfortunately, there's no time to redo the exam room before it's needed. In fact, Evie's flagging me down right now, it seems my 2:30 is ready for me.
Exam Room Repairs
My first goal in getting the lab and medical offices ready for daily use is repairing the exam room. Yesterday morning I meant to enlist Evie's help, and possibly Torbjorn's, but could find neither of them. While I was looking, minion GIR offered assistance.
After explaining what I wanted done, I got to work on the filing system and he found a couple of other minions to help, assuring me that the work would be finished by the end of the day. I was impressed, to say the least.
By four o'clock, the construction noises had stopped and GIR bounced into my office to inform me that the exam room was finished. He blindfolded me, led me in, and did a drumroll on his chassis before letting me see. The results were... not what I expected.
*I've included a transcription of the following conversation, taken from Iron John's covert minion-surveillance system*
GIR: You like?
Dr. F: Um...
GIR: It's green!
Dr. F: I asked you to put in gray linoleum.
GIR: Green is better.
Dr. F: It's shag carpeting.
GIR: Yes!
Dr. F: You've got to take out the carpet.
GIR: (silent)
Dr. F: And I said the walls needed to be repainted to cover the scorch marks.
GIR: No, we had to keep the scorch marks. Very chic.
Dr. F: That is not acceptable. You really must take out the carpet and paint the walls.
GIR: TV time!
(sound of door opening and shutting)
Dr. F: GIR! Come back!
(pause, followed by a sigh)
Dr. F: I've gotta say, I do rather like the skylight, though.
After explaining what I wanted done, I got to work on the filing system and he found a couple of other minions to help, assuring me that the work would be finished by the end of the day. I was impressed, to say the least.
By four o'clock, the construction noises had stopped and GIR bounced into my office to inform me that the exam room was finished. He blindfolded me, led me in, and did a drumroll on his chassis before letting me see. The results were... not what I expected.
*I've included a transcription of the following conversation, taken from Iron John's covert minion-surveillance system*
GIR: You like?
Dr. F: Um...
GIR: It's green!
Dr. F: I asked you to put in gray linoleum.
GIR: Green is better.
Dr. F: It's shag carpeting.
GIR: Yes!
Dr. F: You've got to take out the carpet.
GIR: (silent)
Dr. F: And I said the walls needed to be repainted to cover the scorch marks.
GIR: No, we had to keep the scorch marks. Very chic.
Dr. F: That is not acceptable. You really must take out the carpet and paint the walls.
GIR: TV time!
(sound of door opening and shutting)
Dr. F: GIR! Come back!
(pause, followed by a sigh)
Dr. F: I've gotta say, I do rather like the skylight, though.
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Patient Torbjorn: Initial Exam, Badger Wounds
Most excellent. Evie and I have only been here for a day and already we've received our first patient. While the exam room was not yet ready to receive patients, the hallway and a step stool proved adequate to the task. [Torbjorn informed me that a stick of dynamite was exploded as part of a practical joke, which explains the disintegrated nature of the exam table, the scorch marks, and the crater in the floor]
Description of injury: The various badger bites and scratches were generally not deep and hardly any were infected, though they covered the majority of his body surface.
Course of treatment: I instructed Evie to apply a topical ointment, the remaining tube of which was given to the patient with instructions on further application. Evie volunteered to help him, if he should have any trouble applying on his own. Torbjorn was eager for her help and quickly instructed her on the location of his bunk.
Additional notes: Though he did not say so directly, I was able to realize that the badger incident has left Torbjorn with a touch of paranoia and mistrust of his colleagues. I sprinkled him in lavender water to calm his nerves.
Additional, additional notes: Keep an eye on Torbjorn to monitor the state of his psyche. Evie has already offered to check in on him daily.
Description of injury: The various badger bites and scratches were generally not deep and hardly any were infected, though they covered the majority of his body surface.
Course of treatment: I instructed Evie to apply a topical ointment, the remaining tube of which was given to the patient with instructions on further application. Evie volunteered to help him, if he should have any trouble applying on his own. Torbjorn was eager for her help and quickly instructed her on the location of his bunk.
Additional notes: Though he did not say so directly, I was able to realize that the badger incident has left Torbjorn with a touch of paranoia and mistrust of his colleagues. I sprinkled him in lavender water to calm his nerves.
Additional, additional notes: Keep an eye on Torbjorn to monitor the state of his psyche. Evie has already offered to check in on him daily.
Monday, April 14, 2008
Arrival Report
After weeks of researching a variety of locations and intensive interviewing, I finally decided to accept the position as medical supervisor here at the secret bunker. Though, now that I've arrived and gotten my first look at the facilities, I have begun to think that Iron John exaggerated ever-so-slightly in his description.
Either that, or "The latest in medical equipment and technology" doesn't mean what he thinks it does. Alas, it is too late to return home as the house has already been sold and the cross country train tickets were one way only.
The lab is a mess and covered in what appears to be a combination of badger hair and human growth hormone. There are broken test tubes everywhere, stains on the walls, and a generous coating of dust over everything. Clearly there is much cleaning to be done before I can even begin my real work.
Evie has already put on an apron and pulled out a pair of yellow rubber gloves. The way she cleans a microscope reminds me why I fell in love with her mother. She seems determined to make a home here, brave soul. Ah, what would I do without her?
Either that, or "The latest in medical equipment and technology" doesn't mean what he thinks it does. Alas, it is too late to return home as the house has already been sold and the cross country train tickets were one way only.
The lab is a mess and covered in what appears to be a combination of badger hair and human growth hormone. There are broken test tubes everywhere, stains on the walls, and a generous coating of dust over everything. Clearly there is much cleaning to be done before I can even begin my real work.
Evie has already put on an apron and pulled out a pair of yellow rubber gloves. The way she cleans a microscope reminds me why I fell in love with her mother. She seems determined to make a home here, brave soul. Ah, what would I do without her?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
